Another Awsomazing Adventure Awaits

Hello main blog. Despite calling you my “main” blog I am aware that you are probably jealous at how hogged all my attention this past summer. It was unavoidable, being that I had to blog about my internship and that the posts created were inevitably technical in nature. But it’s over now.

I’m not sure that the posts will be back to my normal one-post-per-month quota though. I’ll be doing my thesis/special problem this year. And have I told you that, through some turn events, I’ll be doing this solo flight? (Anak ng…special problem nga) This early on, I’m taking leave that I may miss more posts.

(But wait! I got a back-up plan. In anticipation of some middle-term plan I’m hatching, I’ll be posting, instead of my usual tirade of words, a photograph of the month, taken by yours truly. That should be pretty easy for me to meet and squeeze in a schedule expected to be full eh?)

I never really planned to do my thesis solo. Maybe I did but that was only at the start of my college career; when I saw how chaotic things can get I started considering doing it with a group, a consideration I held on to until I received the email welcoming me to the research lab I applied to. My name was there, at the top, alone in it’s line, unaccompanied by those whom I contacted as group mates—a solo flight ticket. “Chad,” says Neil, a gifted artist I hang around with, “if you need a crying shoulder anytime this coming year, we’re here.”

In my renewed sense of optimism and belief in reasons reason does not know, I can’t help but feel that doing my thesis alone is a challenge especially meant for me. Back in high school, I always dreamed of the time I get to make a system on my own, large enough to make a decent dent on a CD’s 700MB worth of storage space. I don’t know how large do theses get but I’m pretty sure I’ll be exceeding the line count of the spaghetti behindGradeGrid or the 1087 lines of code behind the programming language I created for my Programming Laguages class. Well, here’s my shot at immortality, I say.

Months back, I said that my internship will probably be the longest three units of my life. Over at {;}*, I have a record of how many hours did I spend for my internship. I clocked in around 281 hours and 52 minutes in around 7 weeks. I created a timer program that will keep track of how many hours do I spend working on something, inspired by an internal tool from Azeus. I’ll be timing how much time will I spend on my thesis. Anyone wants to bet as to which will be longer, internship or thesis?

Beauty Unnoticed

Stay beautiful, it’s a new beginning ~ The Chad Estioco

*Yep, I changed the styling of, to make it more geeeky. Rawr.

P.S. On “awsomazing”: For some time now, I’ve been watching my use of the word “awesome”—everyone is using it it’s become cliche already. I’ve been considering “amazing” as a replacement as it sits well with my alliterations and communicates the same meaning. However, it doesn’t have the same bang as “awesome”. So, I’m stealing from taking a leaf out of Jason Mraz and be using “awesomazing” from now on.

Wonder how long before the internet catches up? Anyone for another bet?

Love Said

Hello Blog. For the first time since I started you I have failed to update you in a calendar month. What a shame considering that the calendar month concerned was the month I turned 18, fully responsible at last for the adventures I’m having and not having. I blame school work for my lapse. I am sorry but it might happen again.

During my birth week I was swamped. I spent my first day as an eighteener being sick and solving discrete probability equations. Not exactly my idea of being 18 at last, though the probability-solving bit can still be argued for. During the last few days of last month I was cramming boolean logic into my brain, so wanting to do nothing but code away. I can no longer remember what happened in the interim but it was most likely spent thinking that I am finally at that part of my adventure when school and education presents themselves most differently. And I sort of have to make my choice between what I know I need to learn and what they think I need to learn. And I am making it.

I still have a lot on my plate and not just academically. It has recently come to my attention that I have apologies left over from last semester that need to be said and they’ve been sitting around my mind for quite some time now, waiting for the moment to stand-up and ride my voice. Gosh. “Sorry” is one of the simplest words I know yet at times it feels longer than a scientific name. But hey, at least I can warm-up here.

So Blog, sorry for last month and sorry as I can’t write my usual account of adventures. I still owe you one for September and hopefully times will be more favorable for it. As for now, I’m leaving you with something lifted from Jason Mraz which in turn was something he lifted from Rumi, as translated by Nader Khalili. The capitalization is all mine.

I was dead
I came alive
I was tears
I became laughterAll because of love
when it arrived
my temporal life
from then on
changed to eternal

Love said to me
You are not
crazy enough
you don’t
fit this house

I went and
became crazy
crazy enough
to be in chains

Love said
You are not
intoxicated enough
you don’t
fit the group

I went and
got drunk
drunk enough
to overflow
with light-headedness

Love said
You are still
too clever
filled with
imagination and skepticism

I went and
became gullible
and in fright
pulled away
from it all

Love said
You are a candle
attracting everyone
gathering everyone
around you

I am no more
a candle spreading light
I gather no more crowds
And like smoke
I am all scattered now

Love said
You are a teacher
you are a head
and for everyone
you are a leader

I am no more
not a teacher
not a leader
just a servant
to your wishes

Love said
You already have
your own wings
I will not give you
more feathers

And then my heart
pulled itself apart
and filled it to the brim
with a new light
overflowed with fresh life

Now even the heavens
are thankful that
because of love
I have become
the giver of light

~Rumi, Fountain of Fire
As translated by Nader Khalili

See you soon,
Your Skymeister

A Beautiful Mess

I’ve long been a fan of Jason Mraz. It was the feel-good upbeat of his Wordplay that caught my ears and it was the crazy wordplay of his Geek in the Pink which gave me the impetus to buy his album Mr. A-Z (which spells M-R-A-Z, in case you missed it). It was his blogging that made me decide to blog as well, and my attempts to find beauty and something good out of everyday is largely due to him (not to Hofstadter, as people might judge).

Around two years ago, he released his third studio album We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things. Two years ago was the time I entered UP and his were the songs I sang as freshman life went by. I still recall singing the energy out of Make It Mine after grueling sessions from the best CS11 class ever. Details in the Fabric calmed my nerves after my skirmish that is Math17.

It was a good album all in all; I ripped 8 out of the 12 songs included into my playlist. After all, it had I’m Yours, which took Rona, and also Love for a Child which is a very nice song from the onset to the moment you finally listen to the lyrics. It also had the bestest torpe song I’ve heard so far in the form of If It Kills Me. And most of all, it had A Beautiful Mess.

A Beautiful Mess is a very nice song to sing right but very disastrous to get wrong (largely because its large fanbase will make you pay for your murder). It has a certain kind of poetry to it, one that makes you pause and feel the moment the notes and words register into your gray matter. I remember describing it to my sister as soundtrack-esque, meaning, I find it a song very fitting to play as the closing credits of a cathartic movie rolls. But I’ve said too much; I might be boring you.

I’ve been a fan of A Beautiful Mess for two years now and it is only recently that I’ve made sense of its message. I’ve always thought it was about how life isn’t perfect but because you are here it is the best of all possible worlds. I now find that interpretation a little off mark.

It is about relationships.

It is about being you and I and we all at the same time. No matter how messy things may get, it is still beautiful by the mere fact that here we are, related by things so simple you’d find it stupid they can connect people at all; things like smiles and greetings and back-slaps and high fives and kisses. We. Indeed, tides may turn and hearts disfigure but that’s of no concern when we are wounded together. Now I know why that line moves me so.

I am reminded that beauty is something you choose to see and create much like how love is something you choose to be. It seems to me that life is made up of choices, even in the most mundane of things. We are related because we chose to be in this together not because the gods wanted us to be. Things have always been up to us.

Wherever you may find yourself this coming rainy season, I hope you’d find yourself able to believe that the sun still waits behind the clouds. Or, if you aren’t really feeling very sympathetic towards the sun especially after his summer wave, why not put your umbrella down and dance in the rain? Across rocks and imaginary boundaries I’ll be dancing with you.

And do yourself a favor and be Mrazmerized by a performance of A Beautiful Mess. Here are my favorites:

The rip-off from Live on Earth has the best quality among the three and the one from Royal Albert Hall has the lowest (it is but a bootleg). Nonetheless, I enjoyed the one from Royal Albert Hall the most. That performance has this tendency to make me feel empty and filled at the same time. It even moved Jason Mraz to tears. The one from Nobel has him singing alongside a full orchestra, which in my opinion, magnifies the catharsis inspired by the song. Much like in relationships, beauty, and love, the choice is yours. Watch none, watch one, watch all or search YouTube for your own favorite. Again, the choice is yours.

Your Skymeister

P.S. I’ve rolled out some new code for the tags of this website. They should be working well but if they dontplease tell me. Thanks.